Improving my not so rough draft.
Connor Allen
1. I found that in my first draft that I didnt have enough sources. With more saearching I compiled more details.
2. I Worked on cuting out my long run on sentences. These are common in my writing i still need to revise and edit them and tie my ideas to my FP but its getting closer.
3. I tried to find data that helped support my theseis stronger and more relavant to theinformation that I was presenting. My data needs to be useful to my topic and stay consistant.
PRESTON ANSWERES
1. Preston stated that i used more evidence to support my essay. Before my essay was strong in personal narrative.
2. Preston then found that I made a fourth topic chioce and included data in tat topic about hunting.
3. Preston stated that I
added more ethical data and it helped move my essay foward.
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