Improvements
made to my essay by myself:
1. I
worked on the punctuation problem in my essay.
I used commas way too often and need to slow down my writing in other
ways.
2. I
worked on a ton of grammar problems. I
found a ton in the essay. There were
just words that did not make sense with my writing. This has hopefully been permanently fixed in
the essay.
3. I
worked on writing less casually. I have
always written like this and it is just a hard thing for me to correct, but
hopefully it will sound much less casual.
Improvements
made to my essay by peer reviewed essay:
1. Connor
told me to first work on my small details to support my freaking point.
2. He
told me to use more scientific evidence to add to me debate.
3. He
told me to work on my casual writing style which was funny due to the fact that
that was one of the things I choose to work on from the beginning.
-Preston Allen
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